I Dated My Enemy

I’ve always wanted to date one person; I wanted my first boyfriend to be my husband. I believed so strongly that it was God’s will for me. It would explain why it seemed that I was just unable to get into a relationship despite liking someone and them liking me back. I said in my previous post that I didn’t date in secondary school not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t see anyone I’d happily date. And if it just so happened that they liked me and I liked them back, I’d get turned off at some point, ending the story.

Getting into uni, I had become really apathetic about relationships, and it wasn’t at all a priority until I met someone that I liked, or thought I liked. You could say we became somewhat close until uni and its dynamics grew us apart. They usually say that the first friendship you make in uni doesn’t last, and I believe that was our case.

In the midst of us growing apart, there was another guy who started showing interest in me. He was quite persistent, but I gave him very little attention because I still liked the first guy and was trying to hold on to our friendship that was clearly slipping away. I knew what we shared was fading when we’d plan to meet up, but he’d always cancel after I had waited on him for a while.

So one day, I decided to finally give the guy that was showing interest some attention, since the one I wanted just didn’t want me (I also wanted to make him jealous). What I’m about to explain might seem crazy, but hear me out. At the end of our hang out, I felt the feelings I had for the first guy detach from him, but they were still alive; they didn’t disappear. I contemplated a bit whether I should continue my journey with the first guy or go on with the new one. Because I sighted some of his values, which made me openly call him Sheldon Cooper, after my short contemplation, I decided to go back to the first guy, so those feelings tried to reattach themselves to him. But in the process, I felt a blocking, which made me decide to go for the new one, and those feelings attached to him instead. That, ladies and gentlemen, was the beginning of my problems.

I would later find out that the first guy had another girl that he was pursuing, or had even started dating, and he was shipping and encouraging the new guy to move to me. But that hangout marked the beginning of a talking stage with the new guy, and in a couple of months, he became my first boyfriend.

The beginning of our relationship was what anyone would expect two young people dating to look like: walks at night, cute fights, always meeting up, and so on. Mind you, from the moment we started talking, I knew I wasn’t meant to be with him. It’s a no-brainer that a child of God shouldn’t be with a Sheldon Cooper. I felt a lot of conviction that I simply ignored. There were visible red flags, like the values he openly held and how he described the reason for the end of the relationship he was in before me.

He told me he was in a happy relationship that pretty much looked like a marriage; they couldn’t hide their love for each other, so everyone knew about them. And one day, she woke up and broke up with him, not giving any reason. In the midst of his explanation, he sent a screenshot of the breakup message she sent, and it went a bit like this (I can’t remember exactly what she said, but I remember the idea): “This isn’t the guy I fell in love with. Every time I talk to you, you behave like I’m disturbing you. Let’s not even try to talk this out; let’s just end it.”

Reading her breakup message alone, I was able to tell that his explanation was wrong because she clearly gave a reason why she ended things. It seemed as though they did have a happy relationship at the beginning, but things changed as they moved on. She kept trying to make things how they were before and got exhausted, which led to her breaking up with him.

I didn’t think too much about this detail at first, but it would make a lot of sense to me soon enough. I didn’t leave during the talking stage despite all the red flags I saw because I felt like I had gone so far with him and given him so much hope. I didn’t want to break his allegedly already broken heart.

Our cute, young-love relationship came to an end when someone in his life died. He even told me about them the day before and how he looked up to them. It was at that moment he started venting his anger on me, and I just had to understand that he was going through a lot. He’d act up a lot and be straight-up rude, but anytime I’d try to bring up his behaviour, I was being too much because he was already going through a lot. It was during this time I noticed his new friendship with another girl. He’d always cancel our walks, and we’d fight a lot. This went on until he decided he wanted a break because he didn’t have the emotional strength for a relationship.

During his explanation of the break, he mentioned that I wasn’t supportive or helpful during the time he lost his family member. But I tried; he constantly pushed me away. He’d snap at me and be really rude, and I’d try to play the understanding game and give him space. I remember telling him that I was there for him and asking how he felt, but he’d respond with “Ok” and “How do you expect me to feel? These your questions ehn.” How can he complain that I wasn’t there for him when he didn’t want me there? I’d text him, “Hello baby,” and he’d respond with “What?” I clearly didn’t enjoy being disrespected, but I tried to understand what he was going through, so I gave him space.

I got to my hostel that night and wrote him a paragraph basically accepting the break, telling him how much I loved him, and gave an apology for being unable to be there for him and being insufficient. I literally said that I was sorry for not being there for him and being insufficient.

We still talked during the break. Sometimes he’d love me; other times, he’d hate me. I asked him one time if we could still say “I love you,” and he responded with, “Na you sabi.” Another time, he was the one to tell me that he still loved me. He played a lot with my emotions, but I held on to him because I just believed that wasn’t him—that wasn’t the guy I fell in love with. He was just going through a lot. But that was a lie. He didn’t treat me that way because he was going through a lot. He was going through a lot, and that revealed his true self quicker than it normally would. I wouldn’t lie, manipulate, and cheat (I didn’t know it then) just because I was going through a lot if I didn’t already have it in me.

I held on until I got tired. I gave up when I was completely exhausted, and he noticed, so he began to panic and insisted that he see me. I had already planned to meet up with another guy, not because I liked him or was interested, but I just wanted to show myself that there were other guys in the world, and maybe if I saw that, I’d be able to detach.

This wasn’t the first time. He’d act right when he felt like he was losing me. I blocked him a couple of times, and it was only then that he’d call me. I had written a paragraph saying I wanted us to go no contact, and he called me his love and apologized profusely. Anytime I’d accept his apology, he’d go back to his old self.

Keep in mind that we went on a break just as my first exams in uni were starting, so all this happened during exams, and I don’t know how I was able to pull through. When he insisted on seeing me, it was the last day of exams, and I obviously agreed.

When we met up, it was just like the old times. The spark was still there, and that was the guy I fell in love with. Right there, he asked me to be his girlfriend again, and I agreed. I wanted to talk about how things were when we were on the break, but he told me not to act like the victim and said I was the one who changed.

Our relationship continued online because we were on holiday, and that had to be the best phase of our relationship. But it all changed when we resumed for the next semester.

He started acting distant and was ghosting again, claiming that he was going through a lot because, once again, someone in his life died. I just wondered why I was the only recipient of his bad behaviour. If he was going through a lot, why should I be suffering for it?

That was the loneliest I ever felt. I had never felt that single before, even when I was single. We stayed in the same hostel complex in school, but I didn’t see him for a month straight because he claimed he was too busy. And when I finally did see him, it was to settle a fight. I picked fights with him because he left me alone; I only fought with him because he was absent.

As usual, those months passed, and we were best friends again. I remember it felt like we were so attached to each other. We met up every day for a whole week and had absolutely no fights. We continued fighting after that, even on the verge of breakup sometimes, but he was still there, and we always saw each other. We were still so attached, even during our second semester exams.

After our last paper, we decided to hang out before leaving school, and something in me just knew that was the last time I was going to see him.

This is already getting pretty long, and I’ve not gotten to the part I’m excited about yet, so there will be a part 2 to this, and I will release it as soon as possible.

Stay tuned, because I will be as open as I can.